~Ministry Minded~

It all started with a simple Facebook status...

2011-09-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I did what so many people do...I vented, on Facebook. It wasn't about a relationship gone wrong or something a family member did to tick me off (that's lame and childish anyways). It was simply about my frustration about trying to find my little meatball a pair of shoes for his little feet, which seem to be growing at lightening speed lately!

And what I got back in return was unexpected. A friend emailed me a few shopping tips for our teeny town which is not the shopping metropolis that one might mistake it for HA! Then we caught up about life in and out of ministry. In just a couple of days we have exchanged emails that read more like a face to face conversation which I love and out of it came some huge, desperately needed reflections and encouragement.

This friend, forwarded me this devotional and something happened. It was like someone opened a window in the attic of my heart and started clearing away some of the cobwebs (I always thought that sounded nicer than spiderwebs).

It realized that I feel like our garden. It started out as a decent space and looked alright. We had great ideas about what to do with what would hopefully pop up through the dirt. Rather than robust vegetables we got weeds. Paul planted it and did a great job but over time the weeds grew up and choked everything out. Now it's hard to tell what we planted in the first place except for a few weathered and faded seed packets, that if I squint, I can still read them.

The ~~little~~ meatball and I walk out there around the side of the house where the "garden" is and all I see is weeds. I look at them and remember buying them and the thoughts I had about them but they are only memories. No real fruit or vegetables. Somehow time got away from me & other things became more important (& often more urgent) than weeding.

I look at the weeds and don't know where to start or what is critical to deal with because it all looks like a mess.Then I remember that God can do a lot with a little, even what seems to be a useless weed patch (which is how I feel at times).

Stuck

2011-06-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been stuck?

In traffic?

A long line at Wal-Mart (who hasn't!)

In the mud?

A vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself?

I feel like I am there.

Stuck

Sometimes it's hard to figure out how to get out or even how you got there in the first place.

Sometimes you have been there so long that you can't remember how you got there in the first place.

I want to be content and I want OFF of this treadmill...I just need to do it.

Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

2011-05-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

That's a hard one because in some respects I could make a long list and then there are those verses about God making me the way that I am and knowing me in my mother's womb. There are also verses about God using everything for good and knowing what is best for me so all of that makes me wonder what I SHOULD change about myself since He has made me just the way that I am apart from free will and all that...

But then there are my thoughts...

~ I wish I was thinner... (but I am 30lbs thinner than I was before having a baby).

~ I wish I looked different...(but my husband thinks I am beautiful & our son looks at me like there is no one he would rather stare at).

~ I wish I picked a different career/job... (but I wouldn't be able to spend the time that I do with our baby boy).

~ I wish I was more popular... (but then I might not notice the kids/people on the fringe that many popular people don't).

~ I wish all of the people I care about were within visiting distance without requiring a plane ride or long drive...( but then I might not be appreciative of the time I do get to spend with them & might not make our time more quality based).

So you see, I'm just not sure how to REALLY answer that question because I know in the end, God is working (VERY HARD- not due to His inability but my knuckle-headedness) to make me more like Jesus every day and that can't be a bad thing. I know that it doesn't mean that I get to kick back and do nothing. Instead I do need to realize that there are lots of things to work on but to remember why I want to change something before I go and grab the proverbial hammer and start tearing down the walls of my heart and mind. Although sometimes it seems like it could be a good idea....

Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.

2011-04-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

A word-

myself

I find that if I would just do everything that I know that I ought to do, life would be so much simpler.

Not necessarily easier but simpler if that makes sense.

I fight against submitting to my husband even if it is only in my head.

I fight against H and his strong will

I fight against God and the Holy Spirit and what He tries to do in my life daily.

And all of this is exhausting.

I thought this was kind of funny!

Day 11. Post a recipe.

2011-03-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

I would have to say most recently the recipe that I made (and have made many times before ) that was a hit was just simply Chicken Marsala. This isn't my EXACT recipe but it's close. I didn't feel like typing it out :)

Ingredients

4 ea Chicken half-breast, boneless & skinless
1/4 cup Flour
1/2 tsp Salt
Pepper to taste
1/2 tsp Oregano, dried
4 Tbsp Oil
4 Tbsp Butter (or margarine)
1 cup Fresh Mushrooms, sliced (or canned)
1/2 cup Marsala wine (chicken broth or cheap white wine also works)

Procedures

Pound chicken breasts between sheets of "Saran Wrap" until about 1/4" even-thickness
Combine flour, salt, pepper and oregano, blend
Dredge chicken pieces in the flour, shake off excess
Heat oil and butter in frying pan over medium heat.
Cook the breasts on medium heat for about two minutes on the first side, until lightly brown
Turn breasts over to second side to cook, add the mushrooms around the chicken breasts

The only difference is that I take the chicken out after it is done and put it aside. Sautee mushrooms and then mix in a can of cream of mushroom soup, add chicken back in to the mixture and simmer for about 10min.

Cook breasts about two more minutes, until lightly browned on the second side, stir the mushrooms
When lightly browned, add Marsala around the chicken pieces, cover and simmer for about ten minutes

I always serve with a side of whole wheat pasta-usually spaghetti.

Enjoy!

Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)

2011-03-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

WOW! You know I looked at this question a few weeks ago when I should have been answering it and didn't and I would have answered it so differently then! There have been so many things going through my heart and mind lately. God has really been wooing me and calling me back to Him these past few weeks. I knew I had wandered but until recently never truly realized how far away I had gone.

As a Child of God...

I recently had a friend ask about Baptism of the Holy Spirit so the Husband and I studied that or rather he TAUGHT me about it (I am so blessed to have such and amazing, patient, and Godly man!).

One Sunday night we talked about submission in evening Bible study and that sparked a series of conversations at home about submission and I realized that even after all of the Bible college classes I still never really understood it. It is amazing how freeing it can be to truly understand something !

This week I have been working through bitterness, resentment and contentment. It is amazing how deep you can get into a funk! And how quickly! I have been learning a lot of things that aren't new necessarily, just things that didn't stick the last time I looked at them.

As a Mom...

I have been learning in real life lessons about how much of a 24/7 job it is. And about how even the worst moments are still the best. I have also been thinking about how even in those hard moments I know of three friends that would LOVE to trade places because their children never left the hospital and that is enough to shut up my whining, ungrateful, complaining heart!

As a Friend...

I have been learning that sometimes just being there is more than enough. Now that little H is in the picture I am learning just how important time is. I think that I always knew it. I have always tried to thank people for taking time or making time for me and my family. I have even thanked little kids for playing with me as weird as that seems. I have recently become so much more aware of how short life is. That choosing to spend 15min doing something is important because it really is 15min you won't get back so it is important to make each moment count especially with others.

Project 31: Days 8 & 9 .....

2011-02-10T11:52:00.000-08:00

I'm just a LITTLE behind! In fact I think that the 31 days have passed,by now, since this project started. But what can I say? Life happens =)

Day 8. Have a beauty secret ? Share, please!

Not sure that I have a beauty secret...

I have always been told to drink lots of water...

Get lots of sleep but then....

There is this little person who fights against that.....

For now, I will just say that showering is about

the best beauty secret that I have!

Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?

Hmm.... that is sort of like telling you about how humble I am isn't it?

I like to think that I am a pretty good friend.

I am fiercely loyal.

I am a defender of those who often don't have a voice

that others will listen to...

I am a huge fan of justice & often fight for someone to get their "cookie."

I think that I am pretty thoughtful when it comes to

getting/giving things to others.

He's done it again!

2011-02-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

Babies are pretty amazing.

They come out all new and fresh.

Everything is new for the first time.

I couldn't imagine what it would be like to see everything for the first time as if you were visiting from another time or planet.

I love to watch H play.

He has some pretty repetitive things that he does and sometimes not.

One of the repetitive things that he does is roll all around the living room.

A lot of times he plops over with a toy still in his hand and begins to roll.

He only gets so far because he never lets go of the toy.

Most of the time his right arm gets pinned behind him to the point where we think he will dislocate his shoulder.

(We figure if he doesn't figure out how to roll like "normal" people by kindgergarten then we will give him a tutorial.)

I got to thinking about it & ...

How often do we do the same thing?

We are trying to get somewhere and won't let go?

Something from the past or just simply (as the popular cliche goes) let go and let God. Because H doesn't let go of his toy it holds him back, keeps him from moving on to the next thing.

WOW!

Who said babies can't be educational? If ever there was a person, then they never met a baby!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys,

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,

Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him,

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help,

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How could you be so slow?"

"(Name)," He said,

"What could I do? You never did let go."

I used to have a little card with this on it that I carried with me everywhere as a reminder. What an awesome reminder of how God wants to fix us and our toys!

ATTENTION ALL GIRLFRIENDS!

2011-02-04T10:22:00.000-08:00

Day 7's task is to "Write a blog to encourage another

beautiful woman."

Well, many of you are beautiful to me in so many different ways.

I know it may sound like a cop out, but, I have seriously been thinking about this for days (hence the gap in between posts).

Many of you say just the right thing

(often times without even knowing it).

Many of you are there to calm new-parent-anxieties.

Many of you pray for me and my family.

Many of you are simply wonderful friends.

Most of you, due to geograhy, are too far away to hang out w/in person but I love to catch up in other ways.

(Please know that if I had a transporter I would visit you all!)

Many of you I miss often.

Many of you are super supportive and I wouldn't want anyone else in my corner

but you girls!

All of these things make you beautiful to me and I am sure to many others but you are not nearly as beautiful to me as you are to God and no one loves you more than Him.

And THAT, to me, is beautiful!!

Day 6: Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

2011-02-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

Dictionary.com defines jaded as: Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.

The world's definition of beauty has definitely jaded me! The Bible talks quite a bit about what beauty is especially when it comes to women and the funny thing is the world would list those things near the bottom if at all!

I googled various combinations of Bible + Beauty and do you know what came up? Oodles and oodles of Beauty Bibles on...well how to be beautiful basically! The Bible NEVER ever mentions beauty in the way that the world does which is sad, not that the Bible doesn't mention it but that the world doesn't "get it."

For example....

Proverbs 31:3

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

So based upon the dictionary.com definition of jaded and the verses listed above...there appears to be a bit of a conflict. I think that it is sad what women and young girls will do to themselves to be considered beautiful. Most times it is to become one particular person or group's definition of beauty and will change any time the "beholder" changes. I learned a long time ago that I can be cute and funny with no teeth and no hair should it ever come to that. I learned that from a roommate who made me feel inferior by the things she dad and said. She fit the world's definition of beautiful to a tee or whatever beautiful seemed to be back then...

Day 5: Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

2011-01-28T12:13:00.000-08:00

Like Mandy, I too would have to choose my husband and that is NOT A BAD THING!!!

Dear Paul,

The assignment is to write about someone that has made

my heart come alive.

It is hard to believe that we have only known each other for 5yrs.

It is even harder to imagine life without you.

I appreciate so many things about you that it is hard to know

where to begin.

Lately, one of the things that I respect the most is your patience.

I know that you don't think that you are patient but you are

more than you know.

H and I appreciate the way that you love us and make us laugh.

You have brought so much fun and joy into my life that it would take forever to write it all out.

You have loved me for me as I am & at the same time cause me

to want to be better.

You make it easy to want to follow where you are going

(except in stores... you really need a turn signal!)

You have taught me more about God and what it is like to live and be a Christian than any given year in any Bible college class ever did!

You have taught me about love and loved me in ways that no one ever has and THAT has made my heart come alive.

Project 31...

2011-01-25T11:57:00.000-08:00

So, I realize that I am a little late with starting this, but in my defense I JUST found it on my friend Kara's Blog. I have been wanting some sort of format to write within, at least for a little while, and this seems perfect. Feel free to jump on the caboose with me since I am a few days late getting started.... The information about project 31 and what it is can be found here.

THE LIST:

Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?

Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?

Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?

Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.

Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.

Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!

Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?

Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)

Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).

Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.

Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!

Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.

Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.

Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.

Day 18. Describe your personality.

Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)

Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.

Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)

Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.

Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?

Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?

Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.

Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?

Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!

Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.

Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)

Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?

Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

2011-01-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

I ~~got~~ stole the idea to do a top 10 of 2010 from my friend Julie who blogs over at The Church Girl. Although I think mine will be a "best of " list and I am going to fight against every fiber within me since it is my very nature to list them and assign numbers for organizational purposes...

~Paul & I got to head over to Hawaii for a 2nd time with his parents, sister and her family in February which was a nice last-time-as-a-family-of-2 get away!

~ Baby H arrived in May which of course was ~~just about~~ THE BIGGEST thing of the year!

~ We TRULY got to see God do amazing things through not only our church but the life of (at the time) our unborn little boy.

~ We saw God heal H of a few pretty profound issues before he was even born!!

~ We were able to meet some of the most amazing nurses, doctors and specialists at Children's Hospital in Seattle.

~ We became a family of 3. Technically, we became a family on May 6, 2006 but having H took it to a new level.

~ We welcomed my brother's new (and only to be clear) wife into the family in July.

~ We took a much needed trip home to NY to show off and introduce H to friends and family.

~ Our first Christmas together was great and like I mentioned before was extra special as a family of 3!

~ We've seen God move and take care of us in new and different ways. Not new to Him, of course, but new to us, or at least me!

2011 brings us to our knees even more than before in many ways. We have many things that are up in the air right now that we are waiting on God's timing. There is little doubt that God will not provide because He always has in the most amazing ways. My prayer is that I can wait and hold back my hand from snatching my life back.

Lessons from a babe...

2011-01-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

So here it is 2011. You know you are getting older when you were in the middle of starting your blog post and realized you needed your glasses & when you came back you have no idea where that line was headed! True story!!

This past Christmas was the best one that I can remember (second only to the year that Paul & I got engaged)! It was our first Christmas as a family of 3 (well 3 humans anyways!). I wasn't sure what to expect since H had just turned 7 months old on Christmas Eve but he seemed to have fun. He would tear at the wrapping paper & once he got the piece that he wanted he would look at us as if to ask permission to eat it or confirmation that what he had just done was OK. I have said it before (& I think the turn my blog has taken will make this evident) it is amazing how much you can learn about God from an infant/child!!

1. If only....if only we all looked at God when we did something to see if He approves or not. Of course it would be better if we ASKED God AHEAD of time, but, considering that doesn't always happen it sure would be nice if we looked to Him to see if what we did was OK or right each step of the way.

2. If only... if only we reached up to God the way a child does to their parent. In the past couple of weeks H has started putting his arms up to request to be picked up. I had been working with him a little on this very thing. (I am in no ways taking any of the credit for that because I think that he just figured it out.) When I walk over to him I ask him if he wants "up" & then when he raises his arms I would gently lift him up. I can only imagine how that feels to him to be rewarded with a warm embrace! Sometimes I wish we could feel that embrace from God in just as tangible/physical way!

Would it change anything?

Would it change us?

Would we request it more often?

Scripture says that we are to come to God as a little child so at what point do we stop?

Expectations

2010-12-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

So....we had been talking about Christmas trees and whether or not to get a real one or a fake one, from where, when etc.

Last night Paul said he had to go back out and came home with a tree!!!

I finished getting H ready for bed and quickly but not too quickly went through our nighttime bed routine. Once he was asleep I went to help Paul bring the tree in....OK so I stood in front of the door with my fuzzy slippers and gloves that he gave me to put on. My job was to "guide the tree in so that it didn't knock anything over." I must have done a good job because everything including us and furniture was all still upright! Once we got it set up he put the lights on (my least favorite job) and he unwrapped, unboxed and handed me the ornaments (his least favorite job). We got the tree all done and it was hard not to go and get H and bring him out to show him the tree...I resisted however, I think he knew there was something going on because he woke up shortly after we sat down to admire the tree. (clearly I am still re-arranging and need to continue to build up our ornament collection).

Christmas Tree 2010

I woke up this morning excited to bring H out and show him the tree and waited until Paul got the camera all ready to capture, either through still pictures or moving ones, the look of awe and excitement of seeing a brightly lit be-decked (I think that is a word...if not it sounds like a decorating word and I'm going with it) tree in the corner of our living room. I even made sure that neither one of us looked too crazy so that I didn't grimace in years to come of looking at said pictures. Then it happened.....

NOTHING

He looked at the tree a little bit and then he looked at Bella.....REALLY???

I get it that is only 6 1/2 months old but really? (I know he is capable! Look at that smile in the picture to the left!).That's all you're going to give us? I should have expected that though for 2 reasons.

1. Paul thought it might be fun to get him a jack in the box for Christmas. I told him that I saw one at Target. We found it and decided to show it to him to see what he would do. I turned the crank and we waited as the anticipation continued to build....then the lid flipped open and the jester-like clown popped out and....nothing. He looked at it then at us as if to say "Really? Did you really just bring me here for this?" Man this kid is one tough crowd!

2. It's my fault....

I do the same thing almost every time that God has something great for me, and I don't know this for sure but I can imagine, that God is excited to reveal it to me and then I look at that particular thing just like H looked at the tree and poor jack. He spent time waiting for me to "wake up the next morning" and then I look at it like it's no big deal.

OUCH!

I pray that I better remember to anticipate the surprise that God has waiting for me in the "morning" from now on! After all, just another day of life, breath in my lungs, good health and a day with my wonderful family is gift enough! I just have to remember to look at each day like I expected H to look at that tree....

God & Diaper Changes

2010-12-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

I remember spending time with my friend Rashaun about 10 years ago (eeek- it HAS been that long) and she was talking about her daughter. She was talking about how having her has been a life of life lessons directly from God. I tucked that thought away into the "if and when I have kids someday" file and more or less forgot about it.

Fast forward 10 years and add a little person....

Boy if that isn't the truth!!! I was thinking during one of our middle of the night ~~wrestling sessions~~ changing sessions about how much MY relationship with Baby H can be like my relationship with God. I know, I know, why on earth would I be thinking such a semi-deep thought at 4am?!?! Anyways....I am in no way saying I am even sort of like God because he wouldn't be thinking things like "Seriously kid? It's a diaper change! Settle!"

I am, however, saying that I do the same thing that H does...God attempts to do something for my good and I fight and wrestle away...and it makes just about as much sense as H fighting me when I try to remove a poopy diaper!

FWD: You HAVE to see this....

2010-11-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

If you are like 99.9% of the world you don’t like forwards. You see those three little letters in the subject line preceding the title F-W-D and you have a decision to make….delete or read. Is your decision based upon who it is from? I know a lot of times who it is from has a lot to do with what happens to that thoughtful poem or funny picture that I just HAVE to see.

Recently I received an email from my BFF. It was a forward about scars (I posted it below for those of you who may be interested.)

It got me to thinking about email and communicating with those we love and who love us. What if God emailed? Would that change my daily life? I mean sure, I pray, read my Bible, etc.... but if God sent me an email to-do list or a FWD that I just HAD to see would I read it?

The reality is, I own 15 + Bibles the last time I counted. They are different sizes, shapes, colors, themes and formats. I even have a Bible program on my iPod... Even though I have so many copies of God's emails right at my finger tips I still fail.

If I fail to read it...

If I fail to apply it...

And ultimately if I fail to live it...

The email below, from my friend, is a good reminder for all of us and will hopefully readjust the lens by which you view others as it did mine.

*****
SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida , a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.

In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together.

In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.

Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late.

Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go.

A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal.

And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter, who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'

You and I can identify with that little boy.

We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.

In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scriptures teach that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead.

The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack.
That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful.

He did not and will not ever let you go.

God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through.

Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them. Also, it is so important that we are not selfish, to receive the blessings of these messages, without forwarding them to someone else.
Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and that you love them, too - enough to not let them go.

Waiting...

2010-10-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

How much of our time in life is spent waiting?

We wait for the microwave...

We wait for the end of the day so that we can go home...

We wait for a loved one to arrive...

We wait.... we wait.... we wait....

Have you ever felt like you are holding your breath just waiting for something to happen? I always seem to have a list in my head and then I hear my grandma's voice in my head reminding me not to wish my life away. It is so easy to do when there is something exciting coming up or when we are in a difficult or uncomfortable season of our lives.

I remember before our son was born people would always ask if I was eager for him to arrive and I would always shock them when I would say "no." I would go on to explain that once he was here he was HERE and wanted to enjoy the last little bit of time as a family of 2 + one crazy dog.

To be honest, I wish I was more EAGER for Jesus to return. I almost envy (in a good and Biblically appropriate way) those who say they are eager and mean it. They talk about waiting for His return like it is THE #1 thing on that list in their heads and in most cases I am sure it is. I pray that I will get to that point. I am a Bible believing, God fearing wife of an amazing Godly man who is a pastor even ( supposedly we have special access to God according to most people and we aren't ever suppose to have spiritual lows that result in anything less than a hand written devotional book). And yet here I sit wondering where my eagerness went.

I'm pretty sure I know...I need to return to my first love.

Boy is that hard now that I 2 other loves here on earth...but with the grace that God gifts me with each day I hope and pray I am getting closer to that place.

Sweet Giveaway!

2010-08-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

My friend Traci over at Ordinary Inspirations is having a sweet giveaway ... she is doing the drawing tomorrow so hurry on over and check it out! The drawing is for a $50 gift certificate for Lisa Lenoard Designs jewelry!

http://ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-new-family-necklace-and-50-lisa.html

Now Introducing.....

2010-08-20T11:01:00.002-07:00

Baby Hayden

This sweet little boy has captured our hearts and turned our lives as we knew them upside down for the past 12wks. We are all home now and doing pretty well. We continue to thank God for healing Hayden as He has and look forward to His continued work in his life and on his body as there are still several medical issues that he is still working through. Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

Go ahead just TRY and resist that face.....

Shout-Out to my Girl Tanya!

2010-03-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

My friend Tanya and her friend have a nifty little blog called Percolating Projects. Go check it out and show your love! You just might win a cute little coffee gift set!

OH! And just in case I haven't whet your appetite enough....this is her giveaway...

2010-03-10T11:12:00.001-08:00

It's hard to believe it's almost Easter....and Spring and May...when our first baby arrives. Hence the absence. I wish I could say it is because I have been remodeling a bedroom into nursery or that I have been crocheting or knitting up a storm but I haven't been doing any of that. I have just been plugging along at little things here and there and trying to prepare for even the idea of being a parent in less than 3 months!

We went to Hawaii in February with Paul's side of the family and it was good. It was nice to get away to anywhere but especially somewhere warm with beaches!

There isn't too much going on in March other than the start of our child birth classes. I am also co-teaching a Bible study with a lady here at church.

April will bring Easter and I am not sure what else.

May will bring our 4th wedding anniversary which is still hard to believe. And , Lord willing, it will bring the birth of our son and first child.

Compromise...

2010-01-29T15:40:00.000-08:00

A friend recently wrote me and asked me if I had heard about the pending lawsuit with Eharmony and a few irate gay/lesbian individuals that were upset because gay/lesbian was not a match option.

WHAT???

Now this is near and dear to my heart since my husband and I met through Eharmony 5 years ago.

Yes, they are thorough.

Yes, it was a company started by a Christian psychologist.

Yes, they have been successful.

None of this explains why these people are going after this company.

Part of what bothers me about this is that if the shoe was on the other foot, i.e. a heterosexual trying to get matched on a gay/lesbian site....well that's just my point! You've never heard of it because it just doesn't make sense. I have not personally looked into sites for alternate match making to find out just how many there are but good grief! This lawsuit makes about as much sense as walking into McDonalds and being shocked, mad, outraged and surprised that they tell you to go next door to the pizza shop if you want a pizza because they just don't make them there!!

Here's the article....you decide... click here

God's Eraser

2010-01-04T10:49:00.000-08:00

No, I am not saying that God NEEDS an eraser. And I am not saying He uses a pencil because he makes mistakes. God uses a sharpie if anything!!

At church last night my FIL made an interesting statement. We were talking about things that create differences in church. We all pointed out many of the obvious things like music, preferences, background, etc. We were talking about barriers that can get in the way of creating a multigenerational and multicultural enviornment. It is something that we have been talking about for weeks as we have been attempting to reach out to new and young families in the community.

He talked about how we all draw lines and say I will meet someone where they are as long as I don't have to ________ and you don't ask me to accept _________. Then he made a comment that really sort of stuck out.

He said... "God is in the business of erasing lines."

He talked about how everyone has "lines" that they aren't always so willing to cross even if it is to show love to someone who hasn't yet found the love of Christ. Most of the time it comes down to our dumb preferences and our personal set of rules and not theology.

How about you? Do you have lines? Because if you do, I believe that God will be erasing those soon and stretching you like he will be here...

YEAR IN REVIEW

2009-12-31T14:35:00.000-08:00

We didn't do a letter this year due to being convicted by the song from the previous post so instead I decided to do a year in review...

January~ Paul was in Mexico for a missions trip with our Church in Alaska and returned in the early part of the month.

February-April~ Nothing too exciting happened other than winter in Alaska!

May~ We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.

June~ Moved to Washington from Alaska mid-month.

July-August~ Spent time camping in our trailer that we used to help move down from Alaska.

September~ Paul was hired on at the church here mid-month and we found out we will be first time parents at the end of the month! Normally May is our crazy month of changes and transitions but this year it was September!

October~ I got the chance to go to NY and spend some time with family and friends which was fun.

November~ We spent Thanksgiving with Paul's family and for the first time in our married lives we didn't have to hop on a plane to do it! I also got the chance to spend the wknd with my sista from another mama and mista (Kelly).

December~ We drove to Seattle to spend Christmas with Paul's sister and her family!

All in all a pretty good, blessed, crazy year! And I KNOW next year will be even moreso with the arrival of our little on this May 2010! Thanks for your love, support and prayers!

2009-12-29T16:53:00.000-08:00

I didn't do a Christmas letter this year and this is the reason why...

MERRY CHRISTMAS....

2009-12-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

MAY THIS BE YOUR MOST BLESSED CHRISTMAS YET!

Christmas Survey

2009-12-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

I have borrowed this 'Christmas List' idea from Bugs and Boys

1. Does your family send Christmas cards?Every year so far. I buy them when they are dirt cheap after Christmas the previous year. Sometimes I get sucked in by a good one and pay full price.

2. How soon do you start shopping?:Even though I am not a huge fan of crowds, I am also not one to start super early. A lot of the time it takes me almost until Christmas to figure out what to get everyone! AND if I shopped early, everyone would get their gifts the next day!

3. Who do you shop for?:Everyone that I can. I'd give every person something if I could, so I do what I can.

4. Do you put up a Christmas tree?:This year was the earliest that we (since being married 3yrs ago) have put a tree up. We went and hiked out, picked out and cut down (legally) our tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This is the first year for a real and full sized tree and the last year we will be able to have one that is not baby-proofed!

5. If so, is it fake or real?:Real! See #4. I love real trees!

6. Do you like tinsel?:It's fun to play with...in the store.

7. Do you use homemade or store bought ornaments?:Mainly store bought ones. I refuse to go and spend a bunch of money to have a beautiful tree with brand new story-less ornaments. So instead we buy one or two each year either somewhere we have traveled or lived. So far we have ornaments from Boston, NY, Hawaii, Alaska....I think its more fun that way and there is a story with each one!

8. Do you put Christmas lights outside your house?:Not yet. This is the first year that we have lived in a house that was not set in sub-zero temperatures in the winter! This is also only our 2nd actual house. Time will tell.

9. Do you put lights on the tree?:I couldn't imagine it any other way!

10. How about popcorn and cranberries?:Not since girlscout days! Although I am sure that Bella would much rather eat those than sniff and lick the pine branches!

11. Is there a wreath hanging on your door?:Door? How about EVERY door =0)

NUMBER 12??

13. Do you hang up your stocking?:Yes...one for each of us....and Lord willing there will be a third added to the mantel!

14. Does your family read "Twas the night before Christmas?":Nope but we read the Christmas story in the Bible.

15. Christmas Movie?:Hmm....I like the classics and I can enjoy a Hallmark or ABC Family Christmas movie here and there as long as they get what Christmas is about. (I'm still trying to understand how the Harry Potter movie series fits in with ABC Family's Christmas lineup!)

16. Character from any Christmas Movie:Snoopy!

17. Christmas Song: I'm not entirely sure if it is a Christmas song or not but I only seem to hear it at Christmas time. It's called "A Strange Way to Save the World." I of course love "O Holy Night," partly because it is a beautiful song and partly because it was my grandma's favorite and we always loved to sing it together every year!

18. Christmas Memory: The first one that pops into my head is the Christmas after we were engaged. We had gotten engaged in November and Christmas was the first time we saw each other after that.

19. Give or Receive?:I love to give but I love to receive from my husband only because I love to see what he comes up with!

WHAT HAPPENED TO 20 & 21??

22. Ham or Turkey?:Not really sure how to answer this. We have traveled on Christmas for the past few years so we typically miss whatever our families are having! But this year we will be in one spot on Christmas....I'll let you know...

AND 23? WHO WROTE THIS THING???

24. White Lights or Colored Lights?: Multi-colored ornaments = White lights; Monochromatic ornaments= Colored lights. Yes, we have done it both ways.

25. Blinking Lights or Still Lights:Typically non-blinking....too distracting!

26. Were you Naughty or Nice this year?:Depends on who you ask.

27. What do you want for Christmas this year?:NO MORE ALL DAY SICKNESS!

28. When do you open your gifts?:Usually one gift on Christmas eve after church and then the rest in the morning. As kids we were always allowed to open our stockings so my parents could sleep a little longer or in most cases my mom could get home from work! LOL

29. What's the best gift you've ever gotten?:Hmm....probably another Christmas with my husband and family.

30. What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?:Probably something from my Grandmother who didn't like me (not the one I sang O Holy Night with btw). She would typically give me the same thing she gave my baby cousins...baby dolls are not so exciting at 16. And then there were those years where she would give me a calendar from her purse from that current year that she HAD BEEN USING! I would say it was the thought that counted but it didn't seem like there was a good one there! LOL

31. Who gives you the most gifts?:Definitely my husband!

32. Have you ever had a secret Santa?:Sure have! And I have been one too.

33. Do you like wrapping gifts?:Most of the time unless they are HUGE.

34. Do you put change in those red buckets?:Not in awhile

35. Do you burn a yule log?:Sure don't. I thought that required a fireplace? This is the first time we have lived somewhere that has one so ...

36. Can you name all the reindeer?:And the purpose would be?

37. Do you bake cookies?:Sure do!

38. Have you ever seen your mommy kissing Santa Claus?:No.

39. Have you ever gotten a kiss under the mistletoe?:Hmm...not sure I have ever had it around since being married...

41. Do you drive around and look at the Christmas lights?:Can't say that it is a tradition. Our first Christmas in Alaska the power went out and we went out and drove around to see how far it was out and in the process saw the few lights that were still on at midnight on Christmas eve.

42. Have you ever left Santa cookies?:As a kid yes.

43. Have you ever sat on Santa's lap?:About the same age that I put cookies out...

44. Who do you celebrate Christmas with?:My husband and his family.

45. Where do you celebrate Christmas?:It's been different every year. This year we will be at my sister in laws house

46. Have you ever had a white Christmas?:I can't ever remember not having one.

47. What part of Christmas do you look most forward to?:Time with my family and Christmas Eve service at church.

48. Have you ever had your picture taken with Santa?:I'm sure when I was leaving cookies and sitting on his lap...

49. Does your family always take pictures at Christmas?: When we have been with them yes.

50. Have you ever heard the song "Thank God For The Kids"?:Can't say that I ever have.

One of our most favorite (newer) Christmas songs

2009-11-30T12:57:00.000-08:00

Take a few minutes and listen...I mean REALLY listen to the words of this song...if this doesn't make you think and focus on what is really important, I am not sure what will...

"While You Were Sleeping"

Oh little town of Bethlehem

Looks like another silent night

Above your deep and dreamless sleep

A giant star lights up the sky

And while you're lying in the dark

There shines an everlasting light

For the King has left His throne

And is sleeping in a manger tonight

******

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping

For God became a man

And stepped into your world today

Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history

As a city with no room for its King

While you were sleeping

******

Oh little town of Jerusalem

Looks like another silent night

The Father gave His only Son

The Way, the Truth, the Life had come

But there was no room for Him in the world He came to save

******

Jerusalem, what you have missed while you were sleeping

The Savior of the world is dying on your cross today

Jerusalem, you will go down in history

As a city with no room for its King

While you were sleeping

******

United States of America

Looks like another silent night

As we're sung to sleep by philosophies

That save the trees and kill the children

And while we're lying in the dark

There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky

For the Bridegroom has returned

And has carried His bride away in the night

******

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping

Will Jesus come again

And leave us slumbering where we lay

America, will we go down in history

As a nation with no room for its King

Will we be sleeping

******

United States of America

Looks like another silent night

We have a LOT to be greatful for.....

2009-11-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

As I sit here trying to think about writing the perfect thankful Thanksgiving post there are many things that come to mind. Some are spiritual things, some are practical things, some physical, etc.

It is so easy to get frustrated with details, desires, haves and have-nots sometimes. Last Sunday our pastor asked for thankfulness testimonies in between singing verses of a song. One senior saint stood and asked "How many of us are thankful for what we DON'T have?" Good thought!

I AM thankful to be free of disease and ailments. We are quite healthy most of the time and compared to some, who are battling a lot, either one of us could be on the cover of a health magazine!

I am thankful that we don't live in a country where dodging mortar rounds is a normal day in the neighborhood.

I am thankful not to have what can sometimes be the burden of wealth. Sure it would be nice to try it out but most people that I know that have a lot have a lot of problems as well! Don't get me wrong, even with what we have, we have a lot!

I am thankful for hurtful relationships/past hurts. The Bible talks a lot about the need to be broken and how important that is. I think, hope and pray that some of my deepest hurts have made me more sensitive to those in pain. I think it has also helped me come to appreciate who my husband is and isn't even more. Sure at the time that pain was awful but I honestly believe I would not have been changed for the better otherwise.

I am thankful (OK this one is tough!) for being out of work. I seriously don't like, and would dare say hate, not working. I really enjoy helping people which is most often the type of work I do and enjoy the most. In fact I feel pretty useless to our family financially and in general because I feel like my brain is atrophying as I sit here day after day. BUT because this pregnancy has literally caused me to beg for death at times ...any job I may have gotten I surely would have been fired from for calling in sick!

And finally I am thankful that God doesn't give us what we want but what we need. That saying about hindsight being 20/20 is so true. It's no wonder God makes us wait many times or says no! There have been so many times that something happens or doesn't that doesn't make sense at the time but add a few months or years and man I am so glad God didn't listen to me! One specific thing that comes to mind is this baby. If we had conceived it when we started trying when we were still in Alaska, many things would be different! I more than likely would have lost the best job I have truly EVER had because of being sick; we would not have my in-laws around for help and support (and the baby isn't even on this side of the womb yet!) ; and finally we would not have had the support of a church family like we do now.

What have-nots are you thankful for?

Dreams & Party-Cardis

2009-11-23T11:09:00.001-08:00

Since finding out that I am pregnant I have had some very interesting dreams. I mean I have ALWAYS had interesting dreams but these are a different kind of interesting. Like the other day for example as I was waking up sort of lingering in between being fully asleep and fully awake I had this sort of mini-dream about spiritual gifts and how they are like a sweater. I would like to tell you that I always have ultra-spiritual dreams but I don't. This one seemed to make up for it. What was weird was the overwhelming feeling that I had to write it down somewhere when I woke up. I should have. But, instead, I waited too long so I just remember snippets now but I will try to remember as much as I can...I will warn you, it seemed brilliant as I was waking up!

So, in my dream, which I cannot remember how it started, who was there or why, etc there was this sweater. The sweater was used as an analogy for spiritual gifts and how when we become a Christian we receive a spiritual gift. Now, some people believe you receive giftS. I am not looking to debate this either way at this point. So the idea was that this sweater was more of a cardigan because it would always fit (within reason) as opposed to a pull over. You have to receive the gift and open it up in order to use it. And it is always the perfect fit, color, style, etc for the recipient throughout your lifetime. But the sad part was most people opened up their gift and never put it on. I remember feeling sad in my dream about that and thinking that I wish people would open their gifts up because they would see how wonderful that they were.

I woke up in sort of a "huh" state of mind thinking what did I eat before I went to bed and why was I thinking about that?? I'm not on drugs...just prenatals and folic acid! I got to thinking about it and thought through the analogy a bit more (which if you know me you know that I LIVE in analogy-land where everything can be explained with a story or word picture!). It seems pretty accurate. How many things are useful if they are never used? In order for a book to "work" you have to open it. For a new appliance to work you have to open it and plug it in. In order for a gift to be more than a fancy wrapped box you have to open it and USE it. How many Christians actually use their gift? For that matter how many Christians have ever opened their gift and "put it on?" Sadly, I don't think many people have.

I recently led a Ladies Bible study where we talked about spiritual gifts one week. Most of the ladies in this group have been saved longer than I have been alive! Most of them looked at me blankly when I asked them if they knew what their spiritual gift was. One answered in a way that it sounded like she picked the gift that she liked as opposed to the one that she truly was given. Another lady mentioned that she was afraid for others to know her gift for fear that they would line up outside of her door and drain her of all of her energy and time. Out of the 8 or so ladies there that was it. Only 2 said anything. It may be a generational thing or maybe they were taught that it was rude to talk about spiritual gifts or maybe it was me...I just don't know. But if this is a sampling of how Christianity views and uses their gifts it is no wonder why we aren't a healthier more functioning body! I was happy when I found out what my gift was especially when it has been confirmed by others who know me , scripture and opportunities to use it to serve.

I pray that Christians will start opening their gifts (AND SOON) and put on their party cardis as Old Navy says!

Answered Prayer

2009-11-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry to those of you who actually check in here....I hope to be back to being more regular with my posting!

I got to thinking about something the other day that I wanted to write about and even wrote myself a note so I didn't forget! It was more of a question rolling around in my brain after a sermon in church one Sunday morning that interestingly enough was not even loosely connected to said thought/question....

What if YOU are the answer to someone's prayer?

Would it change how you responded?

What if God set up a divine appointment that only you could make?

Would that change how you planned out your days?

Would that change how you looked at volunteering for ministry opportunities?

Attended church or Bible Study?

Shared the Gospel with others?

Think about it! There is stuff we do everyday sometimes planned sometimes not but God is aware of all of it and wants to be involved with all of it. How different would our lives be if we were always praying with open spiritual eyes for those divine appointments?

Come on! Everyone has heard a story at some point about how they were praying for something specific and then God specifically answered it oftentimes by pressing that need into someone elses heart, they responded and BOOM that original person's prayer(s) was answered!

How can you be the answer to someone's prayer today? Tomorrow? This week? Try looking you just might be surprised!

So I HAVE to brag...

2009-10-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

I already knew that I had an ahhh-mazing husband but last night just reaffirmed that. If you have been here before you know that we are expecting our first child this spring. And you also may know that I HAD been feeling fine that is until this week...woo hoo for week 7! Well, I am well into the I-am-starving-and-my-stomach-is-growling-but-nothing-sounds/looks-good-right-now mode. To be honest it's awful. To have your stomach growling and lurching at the same time boggles the mind.

And the cure my previously pregnant friends say?

EAT!

WHAT?

You want me to EAT when all I can think about is trying to figure out how to make the lurching stop and my head stop spinning. Not to mention nothing looks or sounds good.

But none of that is the point.....back to my brag!

So my husband knowing all of the above information said he thought I needed some good snacks. So I mentioned a few things knowing full well that by the time he got home I probably wouldn't be able to look at any of them let alone consume them! Well, I mentioned one specific thing- mixed fresh fruit from Fred Meyer. I used to eat it a lot when I was still bouncing back from having my gall bladder out and nothing sounded or tasted good then.

Do you know what that man did? He drove across town (well across the bridge to the next town actually) and got me mixed fresh fruit from Fred Meyer! I didn't realize it until I wolfed it down this morning. He also got every other thing that I mentioned. Man, am I blessed! I have always known that but I need to be reminded sometimes and every day with this man is a reminder!

2009-10-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

No need to check your calendar,it really IS Tuesday. Anytime that I sat down to write my head started swimming and stomach started churning. Funny thing about morning sickness...for me it has yet to really strike in the morning. But anyways onward to my Gratitude journal!

41. Our baby. Even though there are days when s/he kicks my butt, I am grateful that after a year of trying we are going to HAVE A BABY!

42. My awesome husband who went to get me some really good snacks for the many times lately where nothing sounds good.

43. God's perfect timing. I have read of many instances in others' lives lately where God does what only God does best!

44. My Jr Church class. Like it often happens, they have taught me a lot these past few weeks that I have filled in for my MIL.

45. My in-laws. They are great and very supportive in so many ways!

46. My parents (see above) . I am looking forward to going and spending a week with them this month.

47. Great supportive friends who say they will pray for everything from A-Z.

48. A house where we can stretch out, relax and hopefully make it our own.

49. Finding a doctor! I wasn't sure where to begin since most everyone that I know here is well beyond child bearing years.

50. A supportive church family! I have 2 new Grandmas! They probably don't even know that I have adopted them but I have!

How have you encouraged someone this week?

2009-10-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

Check out what these two college students do every WEEK to encourage others...

http://archives.chicagotribune.com/2009/mar/13/nation/chi-compliment-guys-13-mar13

2009-10-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHAT??

We're having a BABY!!

(Just thought you might like to know!)

2009-09-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

31. For the chance to go to the awesome Ewomens conference. Did I mention that it was really good?

32. Cooler weather! It's finally starting to cool down here and it has been easier to go for bike rides and walks.

33. Answered prayers!!!

34. Great friends that answer all of my crazy questions.

35. A great church that notices when I am not there! (Not that I am fishing for the attention but it's nice that people care enough to ask my husband where I am when I am not there -not often, but I wasn't feeling well last night).

36. A chance to teach Jr. Church for these past 3 weeks. It has been a lot of fun.

37. That my mom is a Christian. I pray her relationship with Jesus will comfort her as she begins this journey with (potential) cancer.

38. Having a great interview today. No matter what happens it was a good experience.

39. Red Box movies! They are cheap and a fun and easier way to get a movie rather than fighting your way thru Blockbuster! It has made movie nights more fun believe it or not!

40. Being in God's will and His grace!! I learned a lot at the conference that I need to put into action!

2009-09-24T23:42:00.000-07:00

There is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. Blogging. It's something people have been doing in some form literally since the creation of man. Sure there were people in past times who may have etched their days out on a stone wall and now we have a souped up electronic version but in the end it's all the same... people sharing thoughts, ideas and experiences with others.

This thought really struck me when I was reading http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/ .
Here you have this couple who, at first glance, seem like ordinary people...and then you read their blog and learn about the tremendous faith that they both possessed! It was amazing to see so many people write a note on various posts about praying for them and then when things got really rough even more people left notes saying that they were praying for them. As time went on many people, including myself, started out a post saying that we are strangers or that a friend had sent a prayer request for them or even that they stumbled onto their blog. The way people arrived at this blog doesn't seem to matter much. What does matter is that people were touched by the things that this family has gone through in a relatively short time. Here I am writing about the for the second time for the second day in a row! I don't know them...I have never even been to Texas where they are from! All, I know is that God has used this family's trials (not even sure what word would fit the best) to refresh and renew the faith of so many of us who have been touched by their lives and simply stopped for a moment to read their writings on the wall.

But I have a good reason...

2009-09-24T00:08:00.000-07:00

So here it is... Wednesday ...nope scratch that! It is now Thursday. I had fully intended to write a few different times this week and it just hasn't happened until now. We have been busily packing my husband's Grandfather's house up so that we can unpack our own stuff and officially move in. He moved into retirement housing last weekend and we are now living in his place...for now. It would be nice to throw away our moving boxes someday...good grief they deserve a rest those poor over worked boxes!

Today, I found out about a family who I just "met" through their blog this morning and oh my! I read their entire blog in two sittings (started it this morning and then finished up tonight). I only "know" this family through the window that they have opened into their life through their blog. And what a window it is! My heart has been heavy all day for them. Even with that said, it is exciting to know that I will meet this incredibly, inspriring woman someday in Heaven. I don't say that in a all-good-people-go-to-Heaven sort of way nor do I believe that(if you want to know more about what I mean by that feel free to contact me). She was a believer with kind of incredible faith that causes embarrassment to me for my own lack of faith!

I will let you decide for yourself! Grab a comfortable seat and a box of tissues it is worth a few moments of your time!

http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/

Which Hat Would You Wear?

2009-09-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

So, I went for what has become my daily bike ride yesterday . I was wearing one of my Yankee's hats representin' the home team like I always do when I want to spare the public from what lurks underneath and it got me to thinking. Here I am riding through town with this hat on my head representing a team that most people either love or hate but at the very least know who they are. And when some of those people saw my hat I am sure some of them had very specific thoughts about the team if they follow baseball. Either way, it said something about me and probably caused a few people to wonder why I had it on.

Now keep in mind it's a normal hat, nothing unusual about it but it still says something. What if, as Christians, we wore a hat? A specific hat that is fairly clear what it represents like a baseball team hat. Something that clearly identifies us and sends a message to others. What would that message say? How would it be received? Would you wear or buy such a hat? Why or why not?

2009-09-14T23:05:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe that it is Monday again already!

21. MY HUSBAND GOT THE JOB!!! We were candidating at a church here in Washington and yesterday the church voted to hire him on as the associate pastor to youth and young families.

22. For this awesome church referred to above. They have been more loving, supportive and welcoming in the past three months than we have seen in years.

23. For my awesome husband who will just sit in his truck parked at Wal-Mart to talk about life and the ups and downs of recent times. I am so blessed to have a husband who WANTS to talk and WANTS to work at our relationship to make it the best it can be.

24. Bella- our dog. I am pretty sure that I have mentioned her before and even if I did I am mentioning her again (is that cheating even if I am grateful still? LOL). She is just plain funny. She does goofy, crazy things with the best timing to make us laugh.

25. Even as much as it hurts I am grateful for rejection because it means that God has something even better. And since I thought that job opportunity was the best one then I can't even imagine what He has in store!

26. Godly women who blog. There are many of you out there. I especially appreciate the ones that are raw and honest and make me feel as though they are in the trenches right along with me.

27. My friend Aimee. We met on a Pastor's wives forum over a year ago now and she has been more to me and for me than I could ever express! It is amazing how God handpicks people and drops them into our lives at the perfect time and she is one such perfectly timed friend.

28. Our first ladies Bible study of the season. It went great and only 2 people were not able to be there due to vacations! I was very encouraged and so grateful that they decided to take a chance on someone new and come.

29. My former boss who was then and is now more like a big brother or favorite uncle. I care for this man as though he were truly family. He's just a great guy. He's always been super encouraging, a wonderful mentor and just all around great. And to think back to how rough our beginnings were and how I almost didn't take the job...partly because he scared me to death. And in the end it was by far one of the greatest experiences ever. It was by far the best job that I can remember having and a lot of that is because of him. Thank you WESLEY! (Yes, I sure did use your first name! FIRE ME LOL)

30. For being wired by my experiences and by God's grand design to value people more than projects. Sure it hurts sometimes and sure it even causes me to shed tears but to know people on a deeper level than "Hi," is so worth it in the end. It is asking "How are you," and sticking around for the answer.

Encouragement & Irony

2009-09-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

Well, those were my two themes today. Encouragement is the topic of the new ladies Bible study at church that I started teaching today. It was a great morning and I was ready to charge the gates of Hell with a squirt gun as a former pastor used to say! I should have known that there would be a spiritual speedbump somewhere...the bump has a name...Irony.

My second theme of the day is...irony because I received the rejection letter from the ONE job that I REALLY wanted, hoped for and prayed for that seemed like a perfect fit. But instead of a phone call asking me to come in to talk about starting on October 1, I received THE letter instead. When I saw the ad it seemed like the perfect fit and right in line with my experience. Apparently they didn't agree.

It's very hard sometimes, this line that we often straddle between believing God will do something and wondering if and when. And sometimes still wondering if He has forgotten us and our situation. I know what the Bible says but sometimes I don't FEEL what the Bible says. I don't mean feel in the ooshy-gooshy sense of the word but rather many times my faith to believe what it says is lacking.

Tomorrow is the big vote. The vote that decides whether or not my husband got the job at the church.

Just a little sad, a little hopeful and a lot disappointed. Thanks for your prayers.

Good, Bad or Best...

2009-09-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, my husband and I have been listening to the audio book of The Shack and while it would not be something that I handed someone who is young in their faith it is still so good. In theatre it is called the theory of the suspension of disbelief which involves the audience to accept certain things for the sake of the story. Now I am not saying that with reference to flat out heretical ideas but rather some of the perspectives of the author. With that said, there are many points that the author makes that cause one to think about their own relationship with God, The Holy Spirit and Jesus. I know that it has caused me to think!

The book makes no qualms about being fiction but like many good books it can sometimes be easy to forget that and get enveloped into the story. I know some of the statements made have been rolling around and around in my head since hearing them days ago and now they are rolling out of my fingers and into my blog.

One of the thought marbles rolling around in my brain was from the conversation that the main character had with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit asks him what makes something that happens to him good or bad. Mac, the main character, responds by saying that how he perceives something determines which category it falls into. The Holy Spirit pointed out to him that that is his relative subjective opinion. Now, I know that this isn’t brain science here but when God is working on something within you (i.e. post from yesterday for one) and a seemingly simple truth like this crosses your ears and heart it sounds somewhat different. Mac then responded by stating that basically he determines if something is good or bad to which the Holy Spirit more or less reminded him of Romans 8:28. It was the way in which the author wrote the dialogue between these two that caught me and got me to thinking. It is SO easy to look at something and immediately cast it to one side or the other. The author made the point that really to God it isn’t so much good or bad as it is for our betterment.

AHHH! WHAT? YOU ARE REALLY MESSING WITH MY BELIEFS HERE!!

Nothing is really good or bad but is simply for us to become more like Christ?? Man does that make your head spin! And if able to be swallowed man does that make for a whole new perspective on well, EVERYTHING! Whether you have read, listened to or protested The Shack I think it is worth a little bit of your time. Once you get past some of the uniqueness of the authors personifications and realize that it is through his view and how he sees God and then when you realize that this started out as a book for his children it all makes it a little easier to understand. Let me know what you think about the book!

Raw Honest Truth

2009-09-08T00:34:00.001-07:00

Ever feel like her?

I don’t scream. I mean I am not even sure I have the right equipment TO scream. I have never been one to scream. I cannot even remember screaming…ever…Yell? Oh sure! That’s a different story and it’s a must for all soccer goalies & big sisters  But lately…

I feel like I could scream and scream and scream and keep on going until I pass out. Why? Well, as much as I recognize how blessed that we are there are still some things that just nag at me and will not go away.

We decided to start trying for children over a year ago now. Now, before I get a bazillion responses saying “Is that ALL,” or “It takes time,” or some version of “In God’s time,” I need to say that…I know all of that and have heard ALL of that, a lot. But all of those things do not remove the frustration and hurt of hoping for a child only for it not to happen ….again. It hurts. Some days I dread even checking my Facebook to see who is announcing that they are pregnant again or seeing baby pictures or family pictures or or or or it goes on and on. Other days I’m good. Some days I want to avoid Wal-Mart like the plague (ok ALL days are good days to avoid Wal-Mart). It seems like every aisle has an expectant mommy-to-be shopping for something. Don’t hate me. I’m just being raw-ly honest. No need to pull out those dictionaries! I KNOW that “raw-ly” isn’t a word however; the beautiful thing about writing your own blog is that occasionally you can make up your own words and that is completely ok!

I have gone round and round about a masters program in Biblical Counseling for Y-E-A-R-S. It has just been since my husband has entered the picture that I received the loving nudge that I needed to jump in and do it. Or at least I TRIED to do it and it didn’t work out. And here I sit embarrassed by the small debt I caused my family and disappointed that the one thing that I feared most about trying a masters program, failing, happened.

Because of some poor choices by people claiming to do the “right thing,” we are now starting over…again. I lived in the same place, the same town, same house for the first 25 years of my life and in the past 5 I have not stopped moving and changing. Can I be honest? I am sick of it! I want to stay put. I am tired of starting over with friends, learning new routes and places to shop, finding a church, etc. I am tired of job hunting and hoping and praying that they liked me enough to hire me for who knows how long until we move…again.

Ok, vent and whine done. I suppose that I should have warned you…

On the flip side, we have been listening to The Shack on CD for some of our long drives recently. I started reading it but lost interest or time or both, I really can’t remember now. Like it or not, the author makes some very good points and has challenged my thinking in a few ways. I think I will write more about that tomorrow or even later today! As for right now, I need to wrap up the journal I have been working on to accompany the ladies Bible study that starts this Saturday.

2009-09-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Even though it is JUST after midnight here...it is still before in Alaska & Hawaii ...OK fine so we don't live in Alaska anymore and I am not in Hawaii... either way here is my Gratitude List for this week.

I am grateful for....

11. two sets of dirty clothes, dishes, etc because that means that I no longer live by myself (and haven't since May 6, 2006).

12. for God working out the little details of life like the perfect used washing machine at just the right time for us to pick up to replace the broken down one where we are staying.

13. the willingness of my husband's Grandfather to descend upon him and move in.

14. having a new church family that has truly taken us in and cares about us.

15. books like The Shack that revolutionize and challenge my thinking.

16. the mind and abilities to be able to read, listen and think about books like The Shack.

17. the sensitivity for others that has come in part from my own hard times, hard knocks and hard lessons.

18. that even though to me something is a hard time, really, in the grand scheme of things and compared to many, they aren't THAT hard.

19. for living in a place that has 4 seasons! I LOVE Fall!!

20. that God knows what He is doing and doesn't punish me for asking if He is sure that He knows how to do His job.

2009-09-01T00:19:00.001-07:00

So, I had written an entire blog…and my computer decided to freeze at the very same time that I hit send…arrrgh…either way…take 2 is below with what I could remember from the first time around.

Ok so I am not really all that sure how it happened...ok well MAYBE I do. I had intended on writing my entry for Multitude Mondays and here it is 1219am on TUESDAY! What's worse is that I read a blog entry on prioritizing your time and your prayer time to at A Holy Experience & still didn’t get things done as I needed to today.

I decided to participate in Gratitude Mondays with Anna V like so many others who read her blog. I know I for one have been working to be content & grateful for what I have.

I am grateful for…

1. An amazing & encouraging husband who seems to know what I need & when I need it. He brought me a caramel macchiato the other day. The funny part of this for friends who have known me for more than oh… 2yrs will tell you that I despised coffee or anything even remotely resembling it…but that’s another story! My point is that it was totally unexpected! He would tell you that he messes up a lot. I would tell you that he does pretty well.

2. a place to live. We could have easily been living in our cars but instead we have a place to lay our heads & a whole bunch of stuff! It can be frustrating at times but then I remember what could have been & am then more grateful for what is. When we knew we would be leaving Alaska with no idea of where to go or what was next we talked with my husbands parents & asked about moving in with his Grandfather who graciously said yes which brings me to #3.

3. time with my husband’s Grandfather. There are so many times that I wish that any of my 4 grandparents were still alive & wonder what they would say or think about where I am at in life, about my life & just …well life in general…wonder if I could squeeze another lif….just kidding. But in all seriousness, I have come to realize how precious time with people like his Grandpa is & how no matter what or where we go in life we will probably not get another chance like this

4. time with my husband. As much as it drives me CRAZY to not be working right now I have come to realize that the time we have had together all summer has been a gift! I said something to him the other day about how, there is probably very little chance that we would have this time together again for a very long time if ever. And what better time than in the summer?

5. my dog. I know, I know it sounds crazy. How could I be grateful for a hairy, crazy little barking pooping machine but I am. I remember growing up always having a dog by my side at some point during each day & when I grew up & moved out the dogs & cats stayed behind. I vowed that I would get a dog as soon as I was able to & I did & even though she makes me crazy at times (like 5 minutes ago when she decided she wanted to try & go to the bathroom ONE MORE TIME at 2am!). She is funny, loyal, crazy & clumsy. Yes, I said clumsy. She can trip over a painted line if given the opportunity & 9 times out of 10 it is hilarious. The remaining 1 time is not so funny because it usually involves thoughts like “Hmm…I wonder if we should have bought her a helmet,” “I wonder if dogs can get a TBI?”

6. where we live. I seriously REALLY like it here. Maybe it’s the fact that I am happy to be in a place where we finally feel like we fit or maybe just glad to be out of the last place as a whole. I don’t know but either way I like it here! People joke that there isn’t much going on but I see promise & potential!

7. diabetes & an awesome doctor who jumped right on some things that she saw in some tests that didn’t look right. As a result of being told that I am prediabetc, I have made many lifestyle changes. I have worked on better eating habits, exercise habits…well I HAVE exercise habits now! It has truly saved my life in many ways. Sure, there are times when you can do everything right & it still doesn’t work in your favor but even then I know I have already made better choices & feel better.

8. a great mentor. Do you know what she did? She wrote a bunch of us girls, the ones that she was close with, mentored & befriended at least 10yrs ago & asked us how & what she could pray for for us. Now, that may not sound like that big of a deal BUT if you knew just how busy this woman is …it is a big deal! The fact that she has so many people in front of her in her own church & community & yet she reached out to a few of use that she knew way back when! CLP, if you ever read this, please know that you are the best sista-friend a girl could ask for & I am more grateful than I could ever say in 2 lifetimes!

9. that God gives us what we need not want. Don’t get me wrong, there are many times where I would rather have my wisdom teeth extracted through my nose than to say that out loud or feel that way but in the end its true. It’s easy to say it when things are going well & we can say it like we had some part in it but in reality it was God’s timing, His grace & His will to do that thing in our life.

10. for opportunities to start over. Another one of those things that is about as hard to swallow as a calcium pill or a super duper multi-vitamin! One thing I have come to loathe is moving & starting over. In our three short years of marriage we have lived in three states & moved over a dozen times! BUT, as much as I truly don’t like starting over, its nice not to be stuck where it just isn’t working! Whether that be a job, community, church or surroundings sometimes its just nice to change it all up.

Well, speaking of starting over…I have a meeting & an interview tomorrow at two separate places so I should get on to bed!

2009-08-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

Wow! Time has really gotten away from me! Well, all of us it sounds like! I have read more Facebook comments, statuses and blogs that make reference to the fact that Fall is almost here! I, too feel as though the summer just started! After living in Alaska for two years, I have come to appreciate even seasons more than ever and it is for that reason that I am looking forward to Fall! I am an east coast girl (Western NY to be exact) who misses beautiful Falls with tons of beautiful leaves ...muddy but promising springs ...and warm summer days. Winter? Eh I could take it or leave it! I DO love winter but just not as much as the other three! In fact having snow and an obvious winter season was one of the requirements/prayer requests/hopes we had about wherever we lived next and so far so good!

I have a lot on my mind that I want to write about but I need to come back to it so STAY TUNED!

Multitude Mondays

2009-08-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

I found a button to another blog on...another blog. The button was for Multitude Mondays. The idea is that each week/ each Monday, you list 10 things that you are grateful for.

And apparently I will...this coming Monday since my internet went out and just came back and it is Wednesday ;0)

2009-08-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

For Today...
Outside my window... it is finally cooled off.

I am thinking... that I would really like to find a job.

From the learning rooms... I am learning that God's timing is sooo much different than ours.

I am thankful for... being near family and finally finding a church where we feel supported.

From the kitchen... leftover pizza....need to add an extra workout in today for that.

I am wearing... Shorts and a t-shirt.

I am reading... Beth Moore book about the life of David, a Kristen Heitzmann novel and a book on Christian counseling/telling the truth in love.

I am hoping... to find a job and start my masters.

I am creating... a home within a home.

I am praying... for God's clear direction.ministry support and jobs for both of us.

Around the house... it is nice and quiet this week!

One of my favorite things... sushi!!

A few plans for the rest of the week... well the weekend is actually here so....making cupcakes for Sunday school. It's my birthday and 2 of the students all on Tuesday!

Definitions

2009-08-07T22:53:00.000-07:00

I have been out of work for 2 months now. My husband and I were talking the other night about what defines us. I always knew that whatever I was doing for work at the time (mostly human services) defined me. I have always been attracted to helping jobs. Anything that made a difference in someone elses life and at the end of the day it felt like you had made it just a little better than it had been the day before for someone.

We have jumped in at the church here but everything take time. Friends... ministries... getting settled... our own place...

I know I should be defined by who and what I am in Christ but somehow right or wrong I end up back at who I am is based on what I do. Sometimes it's just hard to remember that.

The Toilet

2009-08-03T11:17:00.005-07:00

Cool toilet huh? No, it isn't ours...ours is a bit different...

About 2 months ago we moved into the basement of my husband's Grandpa's house when we moved down to Washington state. He built the house and is rightly proud of that fact. The problem is that said house is 50 some odd years old and things don't work forever. In our part there is a toilet that just will not flush! You have to plan out an extra 5 minutes just to flush the dumb thing!! First you flush it then you wait until it fills again so that you can flush it a second time. If all of the stars and planets are in alinement in your favor...you're done. If not you need to start the process over again.

It has been amazing to me how such a simple (to us living in a land where flushing toilets are the only way to go...) thing can become sooooo aggravating so quickly. My husband and I have almost argued over the dumb thing because he couldn't understand why I wouldn't flush it and I couldn't understand why he didn't get that I had flushed it....about 6 times!

All of this , suprisingly, got me to thinking about how our repetitive sins must look to God. He gave us a way to deal with them and an instruction manual on how to do so and yet we still don't get it most of the time. We have to go back and flush and wait and flush and wait, not on God but on ourselves to get it together. And like the excrement in the toilet... some things are harder to flush out than others and can cause relationship difficulties with others and God.

2009-07-29T01:53:00.004-07:00

Well, it finally happened.....we have the Internet again ! It's amazing and sad how disconnected I had felt. Sad to realize how easily I have slipped into just "googling it." This is especially sad since Google celebrates everything from A to Z of seeming insignificance from the anniversary of the creation of crazy glue to the birthday of the man who created band aids. (OK, so SLIGHT exaggeration...).

My point is that they acknowledge every other holiday but Easter! WHY? How can you acknowledge Christmas (and many other days that are good but not the same importance as the birth of Christ)but not Easter. I don't get it. But here I sit writing my semi-personal journal online for any and all to see and flipping back to facebook now and then to chat with a friend who is having a hard time getting to sleep.

I hadn't intended on ranting about Google but rather just mentioning that I am back and connected to those who stop by my little corner on the web!

Simple Womans Daybook

2009-07-02T15:30:00.003-07:00

Looks like I will be doing this once a month ...

For Today...

Outside my window... it is hot!

I am thinking... that I cannot believe it is almost July 4th!

From the learning rooms... I am learning to be more content no matter what state -literally or theoretically- I am in.

I am thankful for... a great supportive family handpicked by God.

From the kitchen... grilled cheese for lunch....still pondering dinner.

I am wearing... SHORTS! I haven't work shorts in what feels like forever (never seemed warm enough in Alaska!)

I am reading... a couple of great books. One called Secrets by Kristen Heitzman and a Ted Dekker book that my husband and I are reading together.

I am hoping... to hear clearly and unmistakably from God what our next step(s) are.

I am creating... trying to create a home within a home.

I am praying... for God's clear direction and jobs for both of us.

Around the house... it is nice and cool in the basement where we are staying!

One of my favorite things... evening bike rides with my man!

A few plans for the rest of the week... fireworks (it actually gets dark where we live now!); church picnic and more bike rides!

Spiritual Lessons From the Road ~ Part 2

2009-06-29T22:50:00.005-07:00

Having a direct line of communication is Vital
Before we started our 2400 mile move we purchased a new set of walkie talkies. It was amazing how easy it made things at times! There were times when something landscapeish or automobileish (I KNOW they aren't words but sometimes it's fun to make up new ones) would get in between our two vehicles that would make communication very difficult and at times impossible. Sometimes it would be choppy and other times other radio transmissions would cut into our frequency. Many times it would happen when I wasn't able to see the back of the trailer my husband was pulling. Sometimes it was something as simple as dead batteries.

Spiritually speaking....it reminded me of the Holy Spirit and how we are always able to communicate with Him. No batteries...no obstacles...no kids chattering about how much futher til they get there...no anything! It was wonderful knowing that my husband was just a button click away if I had a question or problem but to think that the Holy Spirit is even closer than that is mind blowing and no batteries are required!

Just like the obstacles that interrupted our transmissions, if we are not careful, we can allow obstacles and interruptions to get in between our transmissions with the Holy Spirit. It is so easy to listen to another frequency and wander off. It is easy to try and fill in the gaps when a transmission is not understood clearly (on our end of course). But how exciting it is when you capture a clear, undistracted, understandable transmission from a voice you would recognize anywhere!

Spiritual Lessons from the Road ~ Part 1

2009-06-19T21:04:00.003-07:00

Take away the television, cell phones, computers, people, civilization and pretty much any other distraction you can think of, except for driving through some pretty nice country, and you have our move down to Washington from Alaska. During this trip I learned some of what I feel to be some pretty important spiritual life lessons as I sat behind the wheel of my car.

Looking Ahead & Keeping Your Eyes on the Lead Car

My husband has been a lover of motorcycles, especially riding them, for many years. I remember when we lived in Reno we were talking about a motorcycle/rider in front of us on the road and he explained a very important thing to know when riding. He said that it is very important that you look ahead to where you are going rather than where you are right at that second especially when you are in a curve or something not so easy to navigate.

This became especially true for me as I was driving our Jeep, pulling a trailer for the first time, and navigating around mountains and narrow passage ways around them. I learned that it became much easier to navigate those hairy parts of the road if I looked ahead to my husband's truck/trailer in front of me. In those times when I couldn't see him in front of me I picked a spot further down. I was shocked. It worked! I got to thinking about how that was an easy reminder of how we need to focus on Jesus who stands in front of us like he did in front of Peter that day on the water. If we try to look too far ahead or at our feet (or in this case the road) too much it is easy to get swept away by the waves. I learned that quickly on this drive. There were times that if I looked at the scary curve or to the long drop next to me or even the Mack truck bearing down behind me that it was easy to get panicky but when I remembered to, I looked ahead to the back of our trailer and ignored those other distractions and aimed in the same direction. There were some times during our drive where we were navigating through rain and the dark and I was scared that I would hit a moose or just lose sight of the road but I just kept following the tail lights in front of me. There were other times where I thought I would lose control around a curve and roll the Jeep but I just kept my eyes on the tail lights in front of me. What's funny is that I could probably tell you in more and greater detail about the back of our trailer than I could most of the drive!

All I know is that I learned that if I keep my eyes on the "Lead Car" and focus just in front of where I am headed then it is a much more enjoyable ride.

Big Move #3

2009-06-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

Why did I start with #3? Well that’s easy! #1 was my move from New York to Nevada after getting married three years ago; #2 was to Alaska just two years ago when Paul accepted a youth pastor position in Fairbanks; #3 is our move from Alaska to Washington to figure out what/where God would have us go next. That of course only accounts for 3 out of the 8 moves we have made in the Three years we have been married!

My brain is like a kaleidoscope and my thoughts are like it fragmented pieces as I have driven 886miles in two days. Just as you would turn the barrel of the kaleidoscope, I have turned my thoughts around and around thinking about many different things. Some thoughts are happy; some are sad; some are reflective and some just plain funny. No matter what I have been thinking about there has been plenty of time to do it…and plenty more to come!

I have been thinking about the friends we left behind that we started missing even before their car doors closed after they came to say goodbye. I have been wondering what is next and WHERE is next? I have thought about what God has taught me and what I am still trying to understand. I/we have also learned a lot about what it means to be a pastor and wife on staff at a church. So many lessons crammed into just two short years!

** Pictures to come!**

Sad Endings and New Beginnings

2009-06-05T23:42:00.006-07:00

"She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too..."

That quote is from one of my favorite movies, "Hope Floats." It is one of those movies that I watch almost every time I see that it is on TV AND I own it too! The funny thing is that it was one of the first thoughts that came to mind this afternoon as I was gathering my thoughts about leaving the one job I have had (in longer than I can remember) that I honestly and sincerely wanted to go to each day. If I didn't want to go it was only because I didn't want to go anywhere on that particular day and had nothing to do with my job, my boss, co-workers, etc. That is such a rare gift.

Sure it will be nice, in some small respects, to have a small break from the day to day but not so much in so many other ways. I wonder if I had an impact on those around me; if they saw Christ and not me; if I made "kingdom choices" as a professor encouraged us to do. So many thoughts swirling around in my head. At the end of the day as I was gathering my things and double checking to make sure I had everything I needed/wanted (since we leave the state on Monday so it's not quite as easy as just dropping in to pick something up) and it hit me that this is IT. The last everything for this moment in time. I am changed simply by having had these people in my life.

I had a co-worker and a couple of residents thank me for being me and sharing my faith without trying to change them. That meant so much to me! I know most of us will not have any idea about the impact that we have had on those we encounter in this life so sometimes it's good to get that sort of feedback.

On my way home tonight I stopped at Blockbuster. One of my resident's has been working there. He and I had a decent but somewhat challenging chat earlier today. He said, "So all done? For good?" To which I replied, "Yes, for good. I am just an ordinary person now." And that's when I thought about it even more. I was thinking about our identity in Christ and how we allow so many things to define us and in this case it was by the where I worked, the people I spent my time with and job I did. In many ways I felt like Superman did when his powers were zapped by cryptonite.

I write this with somewhat of a heavy heart tonight as I reflect on the time I spent there and think about those I leave behind. But like the quote suggests, sometimes it is important to focus on the middle and the good we allowed God to do through us all the while holding onto hope.

I am anxiously looking forward to what and where God will take us next. All I know for sure is that we plan/hope to leave Alaska on Monday and with that begins a new chapter.

2009-06-03T00:36:00.007-07:00

For Today...

Outside my window... Lots and lots of green!

I am thinking... how much there is to do before our move out of Alaska on Monday.

From the learning rooms... learning that saying goodbye never really gets any easier.

I am thankful for... SUMMER IS HERE after a long winter and it is so nice!

From the kitchen... healthier choices. I fell off the wagon for awhile and waved to it as it drove off without me but I am back!

I am wearing... Puka Dog t-shirt and great sweat capris with naked feet!

I am reading... too many things at once!

I am hoping... that we sell a bunch of stuff so that packing will be fairly painless.

I am creating... a mess as I go through stuff before packing up!

I am praying... for a smooth transition.

Around the house... so many things to put away (sense a theme here?). Bella sound asleep next to me on the couch. Poor pup. I think I broke her with a 2.5 mile walk tonight.

One of my favorite things... SUMMER!

A few plans for the rest of the week... PACKING and squeeze as much time as possible out of the time we have left with friends!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

Pay the Pastor not the Physician!

2009-05-28T10:49:00.008-07:00

As I was getting ready for work this morning and thinking about what life could be like in the next few weeks I started thinking about our finances when something hit me. No, it wasn't a falling tube of toothpaste or out of place hair dryer. It was a thought. Why is it that people will bend over backwards to pay for medical needs, appointments and bills but don't tithe which ultimately pays the pastor(s)/staff salaries and for the needs of the church to continue the work of the Gospel? The Bible clearly and explicitly tells us that our souls are more important than our lives/bodies so why do most of us spend more on our bodies than our souls?

For those of you who know me you know that I am not a name it -> claim it person. I do believe that there are plenty of things that go wrong with our temples that require maintenance and attention but I also know from a counseling standpoint many things may not. Stress, for example, is responsible for so many things it's incredible! My mom is a nurse. When my brother and I were growing up it seemed like no matter what was wrong with us, or what we claimed was wrong, she blamed stress. Many times this was or could have been true. At one point I was convinced that if my arm was dangling from my body attached by one thread of a tendon that she would say "Oh you'll be fine it's just stress!"

There are some out there who think if you are sick or hurt it is because you sinned and therefore asked for it or you didn't pray for health (hence the name it claim it world). I don't know that that is necessarily true either. I DO KNOW that God neatly orchestrates things in our lives for our betterment whether that be an illness, loss of job or even loss of life.

My point is...I think we place our time and treasure in the wrong places. How much better would we be if we invested as much in reading our Bibles and praying as we did vitamins, innoculations and doctor appointments? PLEASE do not misunderstand me! I have my shots and if we are blessed to have children they will too. Bella has hers even! Just something to think about...

Disappointment

2009-05-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

I always hold my breath when I walk in on Monday mornings wondering what happened over the weekend. This "Monday" happened on a Tuesday and gave my guys an extra day to get into mischief! One of my resident inmates was very busy over the wknd and not in very good ways. Apparently our long meaningful, remorseful, I-need-to-find-God-again chat didn't do as much as I thought. The reality is he will probably be going back to jail.

I remember in my interview some 15mths ago being asked if I would have a hard time sending someone back to jail to which I replied, "No, not if it was clear that that was necessary." Well, a lot has happened since then that I never knew about back then. I have been told in the academy they ask you questions about whether or not you would arrest a close friend or family member if necessary. Wrong is wrong and I am OK with that but sometimes it's hard to know what the best choice is overall. This man, my resident, wasn't committing crimes (at least not against man necessarily) he simply was playing the system. Either way regardless of who's laws or rules were broken it hurts to know that this man will quite possibly being going back to jail. Where I got stuck can be summed up in a quote I was reminded of recently..."good is oftentimes the enemy of best." I am not 100% certain what the BEST solution is for this man, other than truly getting his life right with man and God.

It is easy for me to immediately think, "Hmm, I bet this is just a teeny glimpse of how God must feel when we mess up." For that I am grateful to have a small teeny sense of that especially if it makes me think twice. I only hope it stays in my heart and mind.

This "job" has changed me in ways I never anticipated. When I started I thought criminals are criminals plain and simple. If only that were true!! I have found an attempted murder funny, found a kinship with a drug dealer, laughed at the (clean) jokes of a gang member, listened to stories of abuse to themselves and others from a felony drunk driver (the hardest for me to forgive) and most recently had my heart broken by a man who has done it ALL because he made some bad choices. This is the same man who sat in my office and sobbed when he had started to feel remorseful but made bad choices the following day.

I challenge you to think long and hard before you think things like "He deserved what he got; Stupid junky; Let him rot" and similar thoughts. I too thought that 15months ago before meeting all of these wonderful teachers of mine behind bars who have taught me more about life than many.

Changes....they are a comin'

2009-05-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

I am not referring to President Obama's epitatph either. I had thought of something that I wanted to post but made the mistake of not writing it down.

Things are winding down here with our life here in Alaska.The beginning of May marked 2yrs here and the end of the month will mark the beginning of an uncertain new beginning. May 31st is coming quick and it is an exciting and scarey day all rolled into one. I don't doubt that God has something up his sleeve but we just don't know what that is yet. I am sure I will look back on this post months from now and smile for one reason or another! Either way it's a win win situation since I know God has our best interests in mind.

I have been working through a Bible Study on Contentment. Today there were a couple of statements that have stuck in my head all day.

1. Have you ever considered that complaining springs from an ungrateful heart?
2. Our complaining mouths only highlight the ungreatful attitudes pervading our hearts.

It would be SOOO easy to complain about things right now but I am TRYING so hard to remember that God is not sleeping or unaware of what is going on with us individually & together. He could have stopped or changed any of what is going on right now but hasn't so I have to believe it is for our betterment.

I sure wish I could remember what I was originally going to write about but this is what was on my heart tonight! Hopefully it won't be another year before I write again!

It's been awhile..

2008-10-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hmm...hard to believe it's been almost 4 months since the last time I have been here. I guess maybe because I have not felt as though I have had anything that I needed to share. What's sad is my friend Kelly has 4 kids under 5 (2 of them twins under 1!) and manages to blog almost daily!!Let's see what has been going on since June...

* I have lost 25lbs
* Had a good visit from the in-laws
* Am the proud new owner of a brand new elliptical complete w/ipod hook up!
* Started a military ministry at church
* Been given the diagnosis of "pre-diabetic"
* We have been given the green light to start a family from our doctor
* We are both another year older since we both had birthdays =0)

I think that that is it...

Why "Free" can sometimes be better...

2008-06-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

So I go to the dietitian a week ago and she puts me in food prison. Well, ok not really but when someone puts a tray of "realistic" rubber food in front of you and tells you this is what you get to eat it can feel like it! Also during this visit she says "Uh..I would like you to test 3-4 times a day." And I think FANTASTIC! Just went the puncture site closes up from the first round of the day with the vampire(my glucose meter) I get to do it again lol!

Fast forward one week...

For some reason when you go from eating semi-normally to counting everything and writing it all down it seems like time goes much slower lol. So when we went in for appointment #2 I was hoping and praying her scale and mine will agree and when it didn't because of many factors of which eating breakfast was one of...in the end I had only lost 4lbs. So when I stepped off and exclaimed "That's it?!" She looks at me and says "It has ONLY been a week! The average is 1-3lbs." That was when I realized that this lifestyle change is going to take a bit more time to get use to.

The hard part of it all,and diabetes in general, is that you can do everything right and still get high readings. UNLESS...your meter isn't working properly. Yesterday when I woke up and tested and it was 113 (below 90 is good for a non-diabetic) and then two hours later it is a dangerous 193..??? What??!! The only thing I did was eat breakfast ..the same thing I eat each morning. And THEN one hour later it is a beautiful 93...? WHAT?! So this got me to thinking ..what if the meter is faulty? I called my doc and she had me talk to the dietitian and in the end we decided I should change meters.

Now for those of you that are where I was a few weeks ago you are asking yourself "What is the difference between meters?" Well...the one I got first (pictured in the previous blog) seemed like a great idea...super easy, no loading strips, promised to be painless (that of course was not true and they all promise that...but when you are jamming a tiny needle into your skin...that feeling doesn't exactly rank up there with the top ten best feelings and that sounds good!). Well after years of pricking other peoples' fingers and testing this one seemed best. Call it karma... call it good marketing...either way I picked a bad one (and paid way too much since you can get it for free online!)! I tested with the new one that I got for free by just asking for one on their site last night (which isn't as painless but has a way to test it to make sure it's working right)...bottom line...my tests were 20points lower!! Which makes me almost non-diabetic! I have not been officially diagnosed and hope after a few more 10K's, bike rides and walks that I won't be at least not until I look more like the 70yr old people on the brochures and after kids...

Diabetes

2008-06-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

So, I go to the doctor for my annual checkups and she decides to do some blood work to check for certain levels of something due to some medication I have been taking. Well the next thing I know I am getting a diabetic glucose meter and pricking my finger 2x a day!  In my family it is more of a “when” than an “if” when it comes to diabetes but still! All of the people in all of the brochures that I have seen are “old.” (When I say old I mean between 15-30 yrs older than I am).

We were hoping to have children of our own and although she says it is still possible it would not seem that things are going to go like I was hoping and thinking that they would.

I know God is WAAAAAY bigger than all of this and that if I am or am not meant to have it no amount of fretting will change it either way. I wasn't entirely shocked to hear the news I was just hoping my suspicions about it would have been wrong.

Where have I been??

2008-06-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

As I was wandering about on the web looking for support groups for pastor's wives I somehow ended up on my own blog. Then the realization hit me that it has been over a year since I last posted. Since that time...we have moved to Alaska, celebrated 2 years of marriage, moved 5 times (4 of them since moving to Alaska last May), found a job, quit a job and found another job that I actually WANT to get up and go to, decided to start a family and I have started my masters in Biblical Counseling @ Trinity Seminary.

Wow. What a year! I hope to be back again much sooner than 16mths!

New Year....New Blog

2007-01-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

Well, 2006 has come to a close and 2007 is upon us. 2006 brought so many changes and we anticipate that 2007 will bring that many more.

2006...
Wedding
Honeymooned in Florida.
* Disney World & Universal Studios.
Moved to the West Coast.
Mission trip to Mexico.
Got a new little puppy.
Started 2 new jobs.
Attended 2 new churches
Decided to go to seminary to get masters in Biblical Counseling.
Promoted at the second job.
Trip to NY to visit friends and family who are very missed.